Times, they are a changin'....at least as far as coffee goes

Lovely, cool but sunny Saturday. Baby A was sleeping over from Friday night at her babysitter's, and we slept in until 8am (college self, there's something we need to talk about you savoring more while you can). At 9am we were off to Bern, for a 2 1/2 hour coffee class with, get this, a Swiss Barista Champion. This dude had gone to compete in the world championships. You know he knows coffee. Better than you'll ever know it, or want to know it.

We met him at a coffee shop for our private, in English class, just me and M. (This was sort of a birthday present for M, but since the other present I'd planned came through, it became an anniversary present for us both. This also meant that if he hated it, it would still be ok as long as I didn't. I've mentioned I go to counseling, right?)

We got some history and background about coffee, and then tried to grind and measure out 9 grams for a single shot. That shit is hard to do. You're not even talking about the part where any water comes in contact with the coffee yet. You're still at the "making bean into small small pieces" part. And realizing your $40 grinder from the local equivalent of a Target is so tragically unqualified to claim that it grinds beans for drinkable coffee that it is a wonder you haven't spit out everything you've brewed these last 2 years.




Let me be clear, Mr. Champion was a totally cool, not snobby, not sarcastic guy. It was just that after seeing the grinders he had us practice on, and why, I realized that we may just need to buy a super-grinder first, pay our dues, make some great french press coffees and only then go on to the espresso machine. We may just not be able to handle all that metal and a fancy grinder all at once.



Anyway, then we went on to try actually pulling shots from the machine. Oh wait, nope. Tamping was next. Using that heavy thingy that looks like a stamp, to press down the coffee. Level. Not crooked. Otherwise, you're once again in trouble. As M put it, water takes the easiest, least crowded, path and if you've tamped your espresso at an angle in the portafilter, you're going to pull some funky shots. After that, you attach the portafilter, turn on the water, and count to 5. Apparently that is how long it should take for the coffee to start pouring. At which point, you scrutinize it like it was your senior thesis and the finalist project for the Westinghouse Genius Teenagers Way Smarter Than Us All science fair all in one. How wide is the band of liquid? How viscous? Color? How smooth or do you have unfortunate, loser bubbles in the coffee stream?

Again, let me be clear, Mr. Champion was the most gracious of teachers, having us look at all of this and then guess what we needed to adjust. Grind fineness? Amount of coffee in the shot? It just surprised me how much there was that could, and did, go wrong. The reject pitcher (where all the "you don't really want to drink that one" shots went to end their life) was pretty full at the end of our class.



But, we had a great time, realized how good it was that M and I were never physics lab partners, and that our current grinder should probably just bow out gracefully and retrain in the spice grinding business. And, I managed to pull a few decent shots (good enough for a few cappuccinos), and let me tell you, that amazing coffee drink I've been searching for, it is not so exotic. I came close to making one myself. I drank down 2 cups of better tasting drinks than I've had in all of Europe apart from Amsterdam, and I made them myself. Well, with some help from M. He seems to have a way with the art of milk foaming.



We even came home with some recommendations from Mr. Champion for the few places in Zurich he thinks do great coffee. Cafe Noir, is one of the names I will bestow on you now. And Henrichi, in the Old Town.

Enjoy.