Sincere-Girl to the rescue

Everyone has some. They may not include flying, X-ray vision, or being able to figure out where the controls are in an invisible jet. They are usually more subtle, these superpowers. I have a few - being totally submissive to the point of self-deprecating (stop laughing, you people who know me personally...I only bring this power out under extreme circumstances), and I almost always find a parking space. The latter power I attribute to being an only child, and the belief that there will always be a space for me. Maybe it nudges me to go around the parking lot just one more time, but I have an impressive record. I don't mean I can find a space in a half-empty lot. I mean I can find a space near the front at the airport, or curbside in downtown Chicago at peak parking hours.

But back to that first power. There is a part of me that has always wanted to be really smart, and I think that once I went through astronomy coursework, that part settled down a bit. Not in class, or among other astronomers, but in civilian life. And the fact that I've passed a differential equations class, opens up this other part of me that can eat crow like its a slice White Chocolate Raspberry cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory.

"Oh, I know, I'm just so silly."

"I'm so sorry to inconvenience you."

"Yes, it really is dumb of me. Hee hee, what would I do without your help."

You need me to be stupid so that you can feel better? Well, if you have something I really want, I can be dumb as dirt. No problem. I can hide every last bit of sarcasm from my voice, my face, my being (maybe that is the REAL superpower) for the time period we have to interact.

I discovered this power while at a university where the front desk individuals at my dorm got practically drunk with power by making the students feel dumb. The more they could feel superior, the faster they helped you. And one night, I stood at that front desk in bare feet and pajamas, having locked myself out of my room. I was cold, tired and really just wanted to go to my warm fluffy bed. And, POOF, Sincere-Girl came out. I got the extra key, ran back to open my door, returned the key and was asleep in minutes.

So when a recent phone call from the consulate office here in town started with "This is the first time you've applied for citizenship for a child of yours? Yeah, I could tell by how badly you filled out the form," Sincere-Girl should really have been answered. She was probably untangling her cape after getting of that first bus we'd just been on, so instead Normal-Me took the phone and almost said something like "Wow, you're kind of bitchy for being the public face of the USA in a foreign country, huh?" Luckily, Sincere-Girl heard that first sentence, and quickly grabbed the phone from Normal-Me and just said "Mm-hm, yeah!" We jostled back and forth a bit for control of our side of the conversation, past screwy consulate non-logic and stupid requirements that are totally useless. In the end, the superhero took over, and we have an appointment for baby A's passport application.

Sincere-Girl is getting ready for the meeting, at which both M and Baby A also have to be present. Luckily, Baby A doesn't speak English yet, but I've informed M that he will spend the time holding, calming and engaging Baby A. Under no circumstances, except for building-wide fire, will Arguing-Logic-Academic-Man come out. I think we'll do okay. I just need to leave a bit of time that morning before we go to iron my cape and flex my eyebrows to make sure they can be adequately contrite.

P.S. Every superhero also has a weakness, and mine is lines. Don't ever, EVER, get in line behind me. I always pick the line which will, in the time AFTER I join it, go pear-shaped. We're talking the security at the airport finds a live cat eating a stolen Buddhist statue inside the carry-on of the person in front of me. Or the customer ahead of me decides to pay for $100 worth of groceries in pennies. After I've stepped into the line. Or, the car in front of mine at the Canadian border is a low-rider, with anti-government stickers on it, and a guy who suddenly decides to argue with the border agent (who, in that instance, had just come on shift and was the most ornery guys I've ever met, 20 minutes later when we finally got to him).