Thursday, September 11, 2014

5 months along

Oh, August, you kind of just blew by us, didn't you? We have a 2-toothed, sitting and crawling bubbly boy in our household now, who likes daycare, who doesn't use a pacifier anymore (which is 3 years less than his sister), but who is still getting up to feed a few times a night. Ugh. Tired. Work starting soon and I'm tired.

An attack of head lice and the loss of my wallet (with all kids' IDs as well) has made for a busier month than I'd hoped, given that both kids are now at school some of the time. It mostly means we're not paying a babysitter for me to get bills and errands done and a nap in once every few days.

Did I mention the tired?

I was so sure I'd be rested and ready to work by now, but I've at least gotten my hair cut (and no comments from the stylist about foreign creatures in my roots...whew!). A bit of lipstick and hopefully no one will notice that I still can't remember some 5% of English words or what day of the week it is.

And then there is this mom, over there, with her baby, calmly breastfeeding. He looks around every once in a while, sometimes just pauses, looks deep into her eyes and coos. And then goes back to feeding. He tries to sit up when he needs to burp. Those two look like they're a natural pair. I'd hate her, but she's actually me. It took anti-reflux medicine and 5 months of developing, patience, being okay with half feeds and writhing and all else, but here we are. My baby boy has learned to breast feed. Just near the end of it for us. It caught me unawares, and the stares and coos still stop time and offer me this bubble of wonderful I get to inhabit once a day. It is short, that bubble, but I try to fill it out with my whole self. There will be no photos or videos of it, because they might disrupt it, and it is short-lived as it is. But I will stop and be there, as present as I can be, for those 2 or 3 minutes. Because the rest of life, in its crazy, tantrumy, sleep-deprived and never enough clean glasses glory is soon upon me again. And my little bonding moment bubble is popped.

But at least it happened.