Versteckis

The instant I get to my office this morning, I sit down, boot up the computer and search "getting toddler dressed in the morning." It has been another round of me asking A to come to get dressed and her going to play with something else. After getting up with plenty of time, after setting the timer and discussing what will happen when it beeps, after making sure there is some time for her to play, and still I got:

beep beep beep

Me: Ok A, let's go get dressed now.

A: Nein! Five more minutes.

I about lost it. my voice went up, and I went into upset-mama mode. Now, looking back I think our discussion about me giving her 5 more minutes to play when I come to get her at daycare, got mixed up with the getting dressed once the beep beep happens. But, it could have also just been a request for more time. And once I've bent over backwards to structure the time, and the request hits my ears, I'm a goner. So part of this is my issue.

But, before I get a lot of suggestions about "giving her choices" and "waking up earlier" and all of that, here is a post I found that sums up our situation. This kid gets to choose, I don't care what she wears to school. And she can throw a shirt or pants off in seconds if she's in a mood. She wants to be a baby longer, too, sometimes, so the "big girl" encouragement doesn't work. I'm already operating at toddler-dressing-level-7, at least. And it isn't working for me.

Well, at least others have this issue. And I really appreciate that poster, for how she was feeling about getting all the level 2 and 3 advice. Tried it. Been there. What else, interwebs? Let's hear from the ninjas who have faces toddler non-dressing ninjas and survived.

So, back to google. And again.

One more page.

Wait. A story about a kid going off to hide for getting dressed which the mom was first angry with (thank you, o honest woman, for admitting it got to you, so I feel less alone) and then turned into a game each morning. Ding!

My kid likes Versteckis (hide and seek), and running and giggling. And I'm thinking that if I make it a case of "If mama or papa finds you put one item on",  it may work really well. It combines more play with one of us, which she also wants in the mornings, with getting dressed, and I can leave off the play time in the mornings, still get up at the regular time, and leave in time for the bus.

As for "5 more minutes", we are trying that for the first time this afternoon at daycare pickup.

p.s. one warning, if you go type "getting dressed" in Amazon.com, because, say, you are one of those people who likes to have books to read with your kid about things like this, do the search in Kids' Books. Because, apparently, people can list amateur porn image books like "Buffy showers and gets dressed"....not really what I wanted to see a listing for.

A Snowy Day

Today started off actually a bit worse than yesterday. At 5:50am, I was lying on my back, for like, the 30 seconds I do that every few hours sleeping, and coughed. Ouch. Bad idea.

But honestly, things went up from there. The dog did not throw up the balloon I think she ate last night, and my back was okay. At which point I heard the best sounds in the world. Well, after my daughter's laughter.

A truck engine combined with a scraping sound. A snow shoveling vehicle!

It had snowed all night, and the world was once again covered in white.

Turns out, A woke up at 6am. Usually, I would still be crying inside, but did I mention the snow? Yeah, lots of it. And kept falling all morning. Which is almost as good as sunlight for getting my mood up. Those big, fluffy flakes that fall slowly are the best - actually like a mild sedative for my brain. Like white noise. A big, cold, soft SHHHhhhhhhhhhhh, as long as I am watching it.

The rest of the day was great. I even got a 45 minute nap when I ran home to put in the pot roast (which, in keeping with today's theme, was awesome), and it turns out A took a 10 minute nap in my arms as I got off the bus with her, walked her and the sled down to our apartment, and got her to her bed. At which point she woke up.

No problemo. Which, really, makes me realize that on days when a croissant with the edge chipped off is a big problemo for me, there is something going on.

I had no more support at work, or anything, but I had snow, a nap, and a brain that was feeling good.

We played with my hand as a goose that tickled A, with the balloons from her birthday, we had a snack, we took the bottles and cans to recycling and hit a playground on the way home. It is ridiculous all we did.

I spent time with my daughter, and I paid attention to her. I took time to just hang out. I let her take her own time to walk, to play, to be. We laughed. I consider today the first day of thoughfulness Advent for me. 

Dark at 4pm

It is rainy today, too. Which probably helped set off the large sigh that has been my day.

I've showered, made coffee, and gotten my child to school. Half that time, she was howlingly upset that she didn't get to press the elevator button on our way out of the building, and I was quite unable to get to a space where I cared that she was upset. I finally did, up on the hill, while two rounds of our bus passed us by.

The conversations about what there is and isn't time for in the morning, and why, are just a bit too complex for me to figure out how to pitch to a 3 year old. So, I just apologized, and said I was going to keep going. Into the elevator, down to the ground floor, out the door, to the bus stop, etc. And she kept screaming and following me.

Not my proudest moment, but we made it in to school in one piece.

And then I came to work and edited a friend's writing. I had a morning coffee with some parents from A's daycare, and lunch with another friend.

And kind of hated on my work most of the time when I wasn't actively listening. Because, when I was actively talking, I was also hating on my work.

I've looked at job sites in Zurich for English speakers, and I could perhaps be an administrative assistant or an au pair. See, 'cause this morning shows how ridiculously great I am with kids. And just think how gracious I could be, as a result, with adults who are just acting like kids. Real potential for me in guest services, I tell you.

I've read an article on the Quality of Talk in Children's Classrooms, and looked up the author. I've decided to and then decided not to email him about my research project.

I just read a website and some reviews of an App for creating books for the iPad. Apparently you sign away some serious rights if you go with Apple's iBooks author. TaleSpring seems a better way to go.

There was the Atlantic Monthly article I suggested to a co-worker. Although, technically, I think a co-worker must have to be someone you engage in some sort of work with instead of just seeing them at coffee break and not talking about much to do with my job or his. Or, really, not talking much at all.

I have signed up for another Meetup Group in Zurich, and reconsidered starting my own one, for postpartum depression. In the meantime, I have eaten half a packet of Twix, while saving myself from the other half through the help of my lunch date.

There were some e-mails I sent out, about going to listen to some people talk about science. And one to a person who might help me engage in something like a group project here at work. I'm mostly just drowning in alone-all-day-no-officemates-or-colleagues-ness. And I seem to have sent out all the emails I could.

It is one of those days. And now it is even darker than 10 minutes ago when I started writing this. What gives?!

Ok, so in the interest of posting something to end on a higher note than what is featured above, check out this great image of a Berlin playground that was featured on one of my check-it-at-least-once-a-day blogs: Playscapes . Who wouldn't want that framed, big, in their dining room, or on the wall in a lightbox for crappy rainy days like today? Not me, that's who wouldn't.

Work of Art

There is a show available on iTunes, called Work of Art, similar to other reality competitions in that contestants compete on challenges and get critiqued at the end of each episode. One wins, and one is sent home at the end of each challenge.

I really love this show - watching the creative process for artists has demystified art for me somewhat. It has made it more approachable. And instead of constantly guessing the wrong answer about who does well and not, like with Project Runway, I can usually guess who will do well. Turns out, art freaks me out (and confuses me) less than fashion does.

I'm feeling a bit like one of the artists at the bottom of the pack today, though. I've been stressed out this week, and feeling like I have too much to do, given that A's birthday is coming up (as are multiple celebrations), and I'm planning a special meal for Thanksgiving tomorrow night (even though I said no to invitations elsewhere), and still last minute shopping for A's gifts. All last minute. After a weekend spent with some stomach flu and sinus colds in the house. And another early-term miscarriage.

The cupcakes are now falling apart as they cool. And I catch myself swearing at them. At chocolate cupcakes.  And I realize that I've created a lot of my own problems this week. My kid is 3 years old - she's not going to be super picky about presents, about homemade vs. store bought cake, about anything. She's rather be playing with some of the toys she has already gotten, and here I've been snapping at her, trying to rush her to get dressed and out the door. When I should have been playing with her and enjoying this time. Especially if something like having another kid is on my mind.

So I've now heard the judges' critique...."this week, you lost sight of what the actual challenge was - to celebrate your daughter's birthday in a way that is meaningful to her. Instead, you spent time making something to blog about, or trying to be interesting. You missed the mark. We find your mothering, ingenuine."

At the end of the day, I guess I've also been using all this hustle and bustle as an excuse not to sit at my desk at work and actually work. To just get my mind off of things. Which, really, makes it okay. It doesn't need to be that A needed homemade cupcakes and a special set of parties, it can be that I needed to do these things this week.

Vincent van Goat

We are increasingly using videos with A, but she is still unused to much of the kids' cartoons. They make her upset, or they are too fast paced. And I really wonder who is producing this stuff for kids. The themes are pretty grown up, and take us to discussions I don't know she is ready to have.

So we stick to Sesame Street playlists online, which M watches and plays with her, some iPhone and iPad books and stories, and the Baby Einstein series videos. They are just slower.

Today we finally broke out the Baby Einstein art video. It was all about colors, and Vincent van Gogh's paintings (for the purpose of the video, he was a goat).

Afterwards, we rolled out some white IKEA drawing paper and M, A and I went looking around the house for objects of each color. A also had the responsibility of checking through the dog's toybox to find an object for L.

It was a pretty fun 20 minutes. I give you our collaborative installation pieces.

Christians, science needs your help

This story was on the BBC News site today. It is about a man who has been in a vegetative state for a decade, and was thought not to have awareness of his surroundings. Turns out, an MRI machine was able to detect brain activity that was translated into answers to questions the doctors asked him. Imagine. What a great story. And what a moment of worry, about the debate on taking patients off of life support when there are no physical signs of awareness.

It made me rethink my position on that. Made me realize how much we don't know about how the human body and mind work.

But let me say that again - IT MADE ME RETHINK MY POSITION. As a scientist. That is what scientists do. That what we are supposed to do, when new information is available. I changed my mind.

It wasn't someone preaching about what the Bible says that changed my mind. It was evidence. Data. That was brought about by thinking, caring individuals, who decided to try yet another way to communicate with a person who was assumed to be dead to the world. It was a humbling moment, that reminded me that the cutting edge of science (and I who listen to it) can be wrong. It reminded me to be thoughtful and careful with how I interpret what doctors tell me. It didn't make me throw away my belief in the scientific method, it reminded me to keep an open mind.

So as a former Christian, one who had some pretty strong beliefs about stuff in the Bible, I wanted to remind Christians that science needs them, too. To become doctors and researchers. Because science will listen if you can show evidence (not scriptural passages) like this, and I think that says a lot about the practice of science.

Not the most eloquent post form me, and I welcome comments from readers who may have understood what I'm trying to say and have a better way to say it.

I think I need to be more mindf

I write a post a while ago about how I wanted to be more thoughtful in my everyday life.

Because, let me be honest, if it was up to my instincts, as soon as M and A left for school, I'd be on a couch or bed, with a second cup of coffee and a chocolate bar (perhaps garnished with peanut butter), watching hours of YouTube videos, or bad British TV. I can waste time like an Olympic Champion. Of wasting time, that is. My guess is that Olympic Champions of Things Like Sport don't dedicate many hours a day to the aforementioned activities.

And even when I'm out, I spend a lot of my travel time (when I am on my own), flicking through Facebook, Kindle and iWeather on my phone. Did the temperature just change? Does that App say it might snow tomorrow? Is it raining right now where I am? If I don't keep refreshing that screen, how will I know? "Gosh, I wish it would stop raining on my iPhone so I could see if the app tells me it is raining right now..."

Although these many activities keep my brain pleasantly amused in a sort of stupid, neuron stunting way, they don't make me calmer, or more centered. They bring an undertone of unease to my life that I like to erase every once in a while and start over.

Thus the idea to spend a month more thoughtfully. Instead of starting my morning half hour of free time with web surfing, I start it with an errand I've been putting off. Like writing a blog post, say, or making a phone calls (that's a whole 'nother post...how it is possible for me to hate the phone so very much?). Like now, for instance. My brain is a very easily distracted brain. As soon as I am no longer in a context, it may as well not have existed.

I had to pause to go to the bathroom, and on the way back I'm already thinking about getting a new dog bed, since L doesn't have any good ones anymore, and then I think "but where the hell do you buy one online here in Switzerland, oh wait I'm going to IKEA soon and maybe I can stop at Interio to, hey I need to rent that car for the IKEA trip..." Sigh. Today I managed to get back to writing, luckily, although these last 7 sentences almost didn't make it into this world.

So anyway, my month of thoughtfulness. It was going well. I would put an extra 10 minutes into writing a card to a neighbor who is housebound, instead of clicking 10 times on Facebook refresh, if I was feeling disconnected from people. I would get an errand done per day and cross it off the kitchen whiteboard list. And since I am easily influenced by visual information, I decided to write a reminder to myself about thoughtfulness on the "chalkboard"-like sticky calendar on the wall.

Good indicator that you need more thoughtfulness in your life...you managed only to write "THOUGHT" before you were distracted, and the "FULLNESS" is now missing. Indeed it is. 

If you put that shoe on, I'll give you a Snicker's bar

So things are our house are not at that point. I'm a big proponent of "no motivating with food", since there are some issues on that count among the adult population of A's family. Be it dieting, or not, or sneaking a whole bar of white chocolate the other night when I wasn't even hungry and already watching an hour of bad TV, I'd rather my daughter not think of food as an emotional aid.

And yet, I use it as one, her father does, too. As do many people in her family. Even as simple as us not really being present and accounted for until that coffee is ready.

I scoffed at the "piece of candy for using the potty" idea, until I was on a transatlantic flight with a kid who isn't always excited about using the toilet, and perhaps a bit wary of the airplane bathroom. I just didn't want to regress back to both diapers AND a pacifier (and the pacifier was in seat 16 F for the long haul). So I shelled out, last minute at obscene airport prices for a box of mini chocolate bars, and she got one each time she went to the bathroom on the trip. I'm not talking a rice cracker snack incentive, I'm talking a shot of milk or dark chocolate for each trip. And since she's not that fond of toilets, it didn't translate to us going there every 15 minutes. But she did tell me she needed to go - it got her over the roadblock. And it was just for the plane and airports.

I'm a big fan of the contained breaking of rules. So even though I'm now thinking that perhaps a small snack from the raisin/peanut/Smarties jar we got as a birthday party favor isn't worse than all the loud voices, emotional and physical manipulation we resort to with 5 minutes to get out the door. Or maybe I need to bring back the iPad/iPhone games privilege in the mornings. Because getting A ready to leave for school is just sucking my soul out of my nose these days.

The dread of those 15 minutes (our experiments have ranged from 5 min to 30 min) before having to get out the door is starting to creep into most mornings. We have breakfast together at the table, for, at least 30 minutes. There is a bit of time to play. There is the option to choose one's own clothing if one helps getting ready. There is the option to stay in one's pajama's until after breakfast, wet saggy diaper and all. There are so many things we've tried, that this issue is still waiting for some breakthrough.

And although it may be a video game, I'm going to have to consider food, too. My child, like the dog, and her parents, is food motivated. What can I say to that? Will work for food. Entire family will work for food. Especially since I'd rather not become the authoritarian, bitchy mom instead.

I wonder what kind of morning snack I could be offered to have more patience during "getting out the door time". Hmmmm...