This post was brought to you by the letter "a"

Four days and 2 wireless routers later, I am finally connected to the internet without a cable. Now, since I have just made this work (with no controlled strategy other than "keep unplugging, resetting, rebooting, etc), I'm not going to declare anything more than temporary victory. For now, there is wireless in the apartment.

For later, let's just say I've stocked up on my favorite chocolate. Which needs no electricity, no cables, no firmware updates (unless, of course, it gets too warm, then I just "reboot" it in the freezer), and is always available. It doesn't even ask me to choose between German, French or Italian before eating it.

I'm a bit suspicious, actually, of the electrical outlet over on the other (let's call it "fishy") side of the room. The desktop, with its frankenstein adaptor, won't power on over there. The first router which came with the cable modem gets all manner of bad reviews on forums, so I'm just going to eat that cost (because the customer service for that router gets even worse reviews, and at $0.08/min for crap help), and for now pretend that the new router I bought over the weekend was never having problems. But I'll also maybe stay away from the "fishy" side of the room and its outlet, until we have an electrician come over. We'll need one for a number of odd jobs anyway - adding outlets, installing ceiling lights, and now I'm thinking, for checking the existing outlets. Who knows, maybe the last tennant here was 95 and used only the occasional lamp.

While I've been working and reworking the various computer-related components here at 3am, the freakiest sounds started coming from the street downstairs. Like a dying animal. At first I thought (and M thought) that it was a cat having gotten hold of a hedgehog. The pupper didn't thought anything other than "bark, bark loudly, because that sounds disturbing!" We saw a hedgehog the other night at the dog's pee spot, in the dark, standing perfectly still hoping the dog would eat it. We made sure that no one was eaten. Anyway, I thought now one of the cats got one. But when I looked out, there were only 3 small cat-like things running down the road after each other. I don't think the first one had a hedgehog in mouth. I hope it didn't, anyway. And if it did, I hope it got a mouthful of spines to teach it a lesson. Hmmm, maybe it tried to get one and got hurt? Who knows. I'm hopeful to not find any dead hedgehogs tomorrow morning.

Oh, hey, we did find one kind of whimsical thing for the living room over the weekend. So, let's just say that this post was brought to you by.....

Yes, it is backwards. I know. I just got wireless internet working after about 6 hours of trying random stupid things and not knowing what I was doing. I'm going to let you just deal with a backwards "a" for now.

Summer sounds

First night at the new place, the minimal IKEA lamps are doing their best to light the apartment. You have buy your own ceiling fixtures, so there is no light in the apartment save for the kitchen and bathroom and what you bring with. We'll get ceiling lights later...great, one more decision. Or, five more, actually.

Some of the daytime sounds (of buses, construction, and traffic) have settled down now, and there is a mix of night-time-city (and trains!) and crickets coming in through the windows. You can see part of the living room view, with the flash of the computer screen in the way. The view of the more industrial spaces of town glow in red, green, blue letters and signs. I don't think I've ever lived with this kind of view before. It is kind of calming even if it is of the city. At night you can actually see something even if the sky is overcast. And it is nothing close to the street my bedroom butted up against (ooh, there goes a clickety clack of a train) as a kid.

The dog has finally given up her post at the balcony, waiting for that black kitty to reappear, and is now sacked out on some pillows. We had a small accident on her bed, when she was in a moving van in her crate, so she will have to make due with big floor pillows and, horror of horrors, sleeping on our bed. And we were going to be so good about moving her to the floor for the whole night once we got here. Oh well, when the nice new bed gets here, I think she may just opt for that anyway.

Still haven't met most of the neighbors, some of whom (apparently) smoke. It really still puzzles me how a people who eat better than us, exercise more than us, are more fit and into sport than us are still so much into smoking. But, I guess this is Europe for you. (stop smoking, neighbor person.)

It was a good day - another load of stuff to the apartment, dog went to daycare, I went to work, found the big grocery in our little town, got a lot of odds and ends for the apartment, too, got at least the ethernet working, made dinner, took the dog out, set up the rest of the IKEA chairs and lamp, and now I'm just relaxing.

About that walk with the dog. There is a little plot of green just a few minutes' walk from here, and I sat there for a while, as she rolled and did her business. And from there, you can hear a herd of goats' bells. Kind of a dull, tinny sound. Reminds me of the trip we took up to the alps. Lovely sound, don't know if it bugs the hell out of the goats. Still, even this close to city noise, there is a bit of countryside left around us.

Normal-sized garbage cans

It has finally cooled down enough to sleep by 5am tonight, which, of course explains why I've woken up now. Apart from my nightly bathroom jaunt (the bladder is still having much in common with that of a hamster's), I woke up to both the pupper and the baby moving about. Maybe they are both dreaming hard. From the dog I hear thwapping, and paws on cloth moving in strange rhythms - perhaps she's just circumnavigating the new apartment in her head. It has a round-track feature, from one room to balcony to another room back to first room which both the dog and B's toddler had fun with yesterday. I also learned that recently-learned-to-walk kids can navigate little steps down in floor height and large doorway speedbumps. So the dog is dreaming up a storm, probably also happy that it is cool air coming in the window finally.

It's a dry heat here, too. Just like in Arizona. But there are no air-conditioners or swamp coolers in the apartments. Just fans. Which makes a block of 86 F days pretty oppressive towards the late afternoon. I think both the pupper and I got a little too much joy out of the air-conditioned tram ride home. Luckily, most buildings are also build with thick walls, so the heat inside can be kept down with open nighttime windows and then closing them during the day.

Now the dog is back to just gently snoring, and the baby seems to have quieted down, too. At the same time the dog was dreaming, the baby was doing the same. Or, I thought, showing me what it felt like to be inside a person who was moving so much yesterday. "See? You went here, then there, then turned around, the unpacked on dish at a time and brought it to the table....you walked, like, 2 miles in that apartment!" My other guess is that the kid is just rearranging womb furniture, because there is motion everywhere.

Two other things I actually learned yesterday.

First, how unhelpful the old trams must be for a baby carriage. They have stairs to get up to the seating area, and especially at rush hour there is no elegant way to get in them. I think people do help you, but having a suitcase, two bags and the dog was not an easy load on the older trams. Funny how B had just told me something like this about baby carriages about 5 days ago, and it only really sank in as I was contemplating hauling the overstuffed rolling suitcase up 2 narrow stairs. Always good to get a reminder about how crucial experience actually is to learning. If it isn't personally relevant, it isn't as much of a lesson. This is a good thing to remember when working on teacher training.

The second thing I learned was how big things are in America. Overall, I was fairly happy with what we chose to bring with us (yesterday was the first time in 5 months I'd seen most of our shipped stuff) - the matress, the dining table, a mess-load of kitchen things....and I'd thought we'd need to buy a strainer. Ha! But some things were just comical, especially as the movers helped unpack the boxes. The boxsprings won the "are you kidding me?" competition, since they use bed frames with or without springy support here. And then you get underbed storage. Oops. And then the garbage cans. Yes, I brought garbage cans. And a broom and old dust pan which actually came in very useful after the unpacking of shredded paper and china. But the garbage cans almost physically screamed "we use lots of things and throw even more away, if you can believe it!!!!" I think that is their American-ness coming through. The one I packed for the bedroom is huge by Swiss standards. Granted, some of what they sell here could only hold two clean tissues, or one used tissue, but mostly there are 17 L. bathroom bags and 35 L. kitchen bags which are about $1 per bag to convince you to throw out less. Mission accomplished.

One more day of movers today. Given the garbage discussion above, the option of "movers unpack and take packing material with them to throw out" is a special treat here. You feel like you've just won a big prize. I intend to keep winning today.

Normal

Completely unlike this vegetable

What the hell is that? We had it with pasta last week, and it reminds me of a Saturday Night Live skit (maybe with Bill Murray?) in which 2-3 guys look into the distance, the audience can't see at what, and start....

"What the hell is that?"
"Oh, I know what it is! Wait, what the hell is that?"
"You know what that.....what the hell is that?"

It goes on, for at least 5 minutes of skit. I thought it was pretty funny. Anyway, this strange fractal broccoli elicited the same response in me. Especially in trying to explain it to someone else.

And my day today was nothing like this vegetable. This piece of produce is green, mysterious and kind of disturbing. My day was more busy, sunny, tiring, and long. But, like the vegetable, it came out okay in the end, I guess.

M is gone on a trip until tonight. So when our movers canceled yesterday's delivery of storage stuff to the new apartment, and rescheduled for early tomorrow morning, the ticking time clock began. Will we move into the new place this week? (Kind of depends on whether I can get the internet working....that appears later in this piece). Who knows. Movers are moving a lot of stuff, from storage, from the apartment, all into the new place.

Today started early, had some cereal at 7am, fed the dog, back to bed until 8am, then had to make phone calls to the doctor for new pre-natal vitamins and to change another prescription which got filled with something that contains saccharin (which is evil according to some pregnancy websites). Dog sitter came late, so now my tightly planned day got knocked on its side. I was supposed to head down to the pharmacy, then get on a bus to the local goverment office for our new neighborhood (by TODAY, a letter in our new mailbox told us, even though we haven't yet moved in and didn't have the mail key until yesterday), then take a tram to the post office in our new neighborhood to pick up the box from the cable/internet/phone company that also couldn't be delivered to the place we don't live yet, then up to work to get help with some forms, then....probably home. Oh, and get some money outside that post office to also pay some bills in that post office (yeah, you pay bills in cash at the post office....when you're not sure how to use your online banking yet).

Well, dog sitter came late, around 10:45am, and post offices and local government buildings close for lunch around here. Great. I now had to wait until 1:30pm. I could have done some work but then I remembered I hadn't yet ordered our wardrobe, for the place we haven't moved into yet, which doesn't have closets.

Ok, quick check online, addresses in the iPhone, off to catch the bus to the furniture district to pick out and then order the monster wardrobe. Oh, did I mention the morning dog walk where we scored a 3 (a pee=1, a poop=2) and as I was coming down the little 4 foot hill from picking up the "2" I slid and fell in the grass. On my bum. And my arms got into a bit of a scuffle with the various weeds around. That red, itchy swelling actually went down on its own. Now I just have little red scratches that make me look like I own an ornery cat.

Anyway, I miss the bus, so I sit down to wait for 30 min and read some stuff for work. I then get the bus, switch to a second bus, and walk to the furniture store, find the wardrobe folks, and we have a good 30 min. design session (I thank these people for making my day easier, and for putting up with speaking Ger-nglish), and order the monster. Which only one of my credit cards works for for some reason. Again, whew, just under the wire. Take the 2 buses back to our current neighborhood and jump on a waiting tram, to another tram, to the pharmacy. He only has 2 of the 3 things I need in stock, I get those and jump on another bus to the local gov't office. They are also nice, say that M won't have to come in, but that I need to do some final pieces of work to finish up the whole thing. I then jump on a tram to the post office. And when she bring s my box (which I'm thinking is going to be big enough to put a pair of shoes in),....it is HUGE. What am I supposed to do with that?

Well, I wind up paying my bills, and getting my box outside to another bus, then a second bus to our new stop. And then down the hill. At which point, one of my new neighbors stops her car and asks if I want a ride. I almost say "no" (thanks to many years of being an "independent woman") but then remember that M would really like me to not kill myself when he's on travel, so I say yes. Whew, again. People here are not that bad. In fact, they're kind of nice.

By this point, I've skipped going into work because, no way I'm dragging this box (plus my stuffed bag) to work and then the new place. I get to the apartment and do a little mental happy dance at the elevator, and start unpacking the cable modem, phone, wait....2 cable modems, no that's a mistake,...TV receiver. I concentrate on the modem, because if I can' t get that to work, we're not moving in for a bit. It starts off well, with instructions in English even! I find this out after opening the booklet at random to a page that looks like it is in Swedish. But in the end, the strange, triangle-arranged outlet won't fit both the router and the modem power plugs. Ah well, at least it is almost the end of the day.

I'll go back there tomorrow with cables, some snacks, the dog, and wait for the arrival of our beloved matress, and some furniture. Finally.

Oh, wait, so on my way home, I go back to the pharmacy because I remember the guy told me that the last item I needed would get there 10 min. after I picked up the first 2 items (about 3 hours ago at this point). He happily gets me the package, and off I go, on another bus home, and stop at the little grocer's to pick up a few things to bring as snacks tomorrow. I now have about -6 energy (whatever that means....I mean it to mean low), just enough in me to have a glass of water, take a shower, and catch a nap before the dog gets home. And then the bell rings, way too early to be the dog. The pharmacist has ridden up here on his bike, to tell me he gave me the wrong thing 45 min. ago. Again, people here can be really nice (ok, I know, he can't afford that kind of mistake, but still, it wasn't just a call to tell me to come back....ha ha, yeah right I'm leaving the house again tonight!).

45 min. nap, dog comes home, I make some simple dinner, and sit down to write this entry. What a day. I took 12 different legs of the trip with trams and buses. Maybe I can convince the movers tomorrow to bring up the matress and sheets first, and the pupper and I will just take a little nap while they unload everything else?

Yeah, I didn't think so. Well, at least I have a bag by the door to bring with and that new place is going to have toilet paper. Fancy!

A bunch of big sticks and a huge glass vase

...are currently enjoying a new home in M's office this evening, after coming from IKEA in a big, white van-ful of other things. We rented a van. I printed out all manner of google maps - from home to IKEA, from IKEA to other shop, from other shop to home, from IKEA to home (in case we didn't make it to other shop). Large map for each plus written directions and turn-by-turn maps. At 11am we pulled out of the rental lot near the university. At 11:15am, we missed our turn off the highway. Yeah.

By 11:17 I was done swearing, and about to say how, as navigator, I just hadn't had time to learn to use google maps on my iPhone, when I turned it on and saw a little blue dot on a map of the Zurich area. And it was moving. And we were saved! My iPhone was telling me where we were, as we drove down suburban Zurich streets. It was amazing. I managed to find the IKEA on the printed out map and somehow, turn by turn, that little piece of technology got us to the biosphere of cheap house goods.

We now have a couch on order which is a monster of a sectional, with washable slipcovers. Sweet. And an array of smaller household items (dishes, lamps, patio chairs) which will tide us over as we unpack our shipped goods, remember what exactly we shipped, wonder why we thought it was such a great idea to ship any of it, and figure out what else we need. All the IKEA stuff is patiently awaiting our arrival in the new apartment, nestled in our storage in the basement.

Mission accomplished. I love this phone. M's not so bad either, for having done all of the driving of a large manual van, after a long time not having driven.

"I guess they all shaved for this event"

The Zurich Street Parade...about half a million people come to the city each year for a big techno/house/group costume dance party. Around 11am that morning, we were busy trying to finish last minute shopping downtown before things closed, other things opened, things got loud and it got crowded. We happened to be passing through the main train station on our way to the tram home and got to see a lot of the pre-festivities. There was a stage with music already blasting, police already in place, butt cheeks already showing, and as M commented people all "shaven" for this event. Some costumes, like Snow White and some dwarves, or the bordello angel/devil and their grandmas, had more of a sense of humor. Others, which did indeed require a total-body-waxing, had less. The 70 year old guy with the jungle chief outfit (which did not include boxer shorts), was humorous. And the countless women in all manor of "naughty" costumes just reminded me of halloween in the US. It was a pretty festive mood, everyone laughing, a lot of six-packs and booze bottles, and only a few people drunk. It was fun to jump up and down a bit with the train station crowd. I remember thinking how nice it must be for people to feel like they could just wear what they wanted and let loose a bit. I think I like the Street Parade.

We went home, and found a local channel on TV with live coverage of the actual parade (more like a bunch of semi-trucks with a dance party on top, slowly inching through the streets). By this time the crowd was a lot more rain-wet, drunk, and in making-out-when-the-cameras-are-on-me mode. Meh, I no longer like the Street Parade as much. It took me most of the evening, thinking about it in the back of my head, talking with M about it, to figure out what had changed for me. I mean, it is meant to be about Peace and Love. Ok, let's just say they mistranslated and mean Lust. Fine. So why was it such a disappointment? People had the same crazy outfits on as I'd seen earlier. They were still dancing.

I think I finally figured out that I was disappointed because I had believed it was about dropping inhibitions, and in the end I found it to be very scripted in a way. The women caught on TV cameras were all bumping, grinding, pole-dancing, full-on making out, etc. Many people were way more drunk. There was a more aggressive edge to people shouting. And in the end, I realized that what I had hoped it was, about being who-ever you wanted to be without worrying what your fellow straight-laced Swiss citizens thought, wasn't really what it was about. It wasn't about not caring what people thought about your looks, not with all the skimpy cloth or "just glitter" outfits.

It made me think about what I would have actually considered uninhibited, and some demonstration of "not caring about what society thinks." And I came up with one big thing that could have been different, and made it more like what I had thought it was. People could have had all the same outfits (or lack of) on, but they could have done one thing differently which would have made it a truly uninhibited event in my eyes.

They could have, none of them, shaved for the event. Now that would have been different.

All the things I'm not

This week has been more about work than home-life. I've gotten my keys and office space assignment for the part time job I'll be doing, met the secretary and some other group members, worked on the informal education piece of a proposal, and on the "attracting more women to science" part of a proposal. Even made a day trip to Bern to do part of this. Very cute city. Not much time to look around for touristy purposes, but at least got a feel for the place. It is now on the "we should go back there" list for Switzerland, along with Lausanne.

Tomorrow (ok, later today), however, goes back to being about home and family life. We have another ultrasound today. And then, since we worked on Saturday (when everything was closed due to the national holiday, but very much covered in Swiss flags), we go do some furniture shopping for the new apartment.

And none of this is what was on my mind to write about.

One of the most surprising things to me about being pregnant is how my relationship with clothing has changed. As soon as I knew I was pregnant, actually. Not only did I kind of stop caring so much about looking exactly the right way (which I'm sure could be the topic of many counseling sessions), but more subtle for me and yet more powerful was that I stopped trying to suck in my belly.

Yes. Ok. Some of you have now had a number of responses which are along the lines of "oh please, you've got to be kidding me." But I guess this was the point of the title of the post. It hit me exactly how much I've learned to worry and obsess about all the things I'm not, rather than the things I am, when it comes to body image. I think most women are encouraged to think this way - from clothing ads, magazines, the "I wish I had your....." banter which almost seems to be a required part of polite female conversation, the movies, etc. It is rarely about what you actually are, than all the things that could be different. And as soon as I was pregnant, and knew I was pregnant, I felt like I jumped (or fell) off that "suck it in" train. And it has been kind of nice.

Ok, really nice. I mean, let me be clear, I still look at maternity clothes (or clothes that will fit) and care about the color and texture. I still change what I'm wearing some mornings before I go out. But I do less of that than I did, and I'm sort of freed of even looking at most things on a hanger that aren't mu-mu-dress-shaped. And the fact that I my waist isn't small is completely fine. It may have been a subtle change but it has been really powerful. Partially because even society is on the same page with me - "they" all also think it is fine. And although that is nice, it is kind of like when the judgmental girl (when it wasn't you) at school suddenly stops making fun of your pants because you've broken your leg and have a cast. Or something like that. It is just like some grip has been let go. Like I'm human, but not really. Ok, it isn't that fundamental probably, but it feels pretty good. To not suck it in anymore.

I guess I've often bought into the idea that how I was dressed could change something fundamental about me, and that has pretty much always been proven wrong. Like the day I got married - sadly, that white dress didn't transform me into a better, nicer, more anything version of myself. It was still me, with all my hang-ups and feelings and strengths and fears, walking down that aisle. I guess I'm glad I chose a less expensive option, because I probably would have been pretty pissed otherwise. "$2000 and I'm still me!? you've got to be kidding!"

One of my nieces, J, recently told me a great story about a conversation with her dad. In fact, she told me the day I found out I was pregnant. She was feeling "not so pretty" one morning at school, which made her feel kind of bad. She called home, and her dad answered the phone. Despite being a bit hesitant about whether or not he'd understand her dilemma (I saw her point, it kind of is a girl thing), she told him how she felt. And he had the greatest answer. He asked her "you know how people usually look about the same. People you know, day to day, whether they are in pajamas or a fancy dress, sick or not, they are still uniquely themselves, you recognize them, and they look more or less the same?" "Yes, sure." "Well, the same goes for you. Did you think you looked nice yesterday or sometime in the last few days?" "Yes." "Ok, well, you still look pretty much the same today." I love this story. It is such an insightfully different way to think about how you look on any given day, which is such a reminder that you're pretty much the same looking to many people, no matter what your mirror and psyche is telling you. Great, great explanation.

Keep in mind, I'm not suddenly an enlightened being in any way. I still look at how other people are dressed - I think that is something I'll always notice. I still look at clothes in stores. But I walk around outside and it is perfectly ok how I look, because I feel like I've been given that freedom, even by the most powerful media counterforces. It is a nice, little, safe-haven to exist in for a while. It has made me think a lot about how strong body-image messages actually are. Just like with my status as far as swine-flu is concerned, I'm in a population which is an exception to the general rules applied to people, but in this case, it is rules for how I should look. How much of this is my perception versus outside messages? Who knows. You probably can't really separate that anyway. But it sure is nice to feel like I'm off the hook for a bit.

Now I need to go back to sleep and rest up for all the caring I'm going to do later today about how my aparment will look. Suck it in, sectional and wardrobe! Sigh.