Tuesday, August 13, 2013

What to expect...

One of our nieces is pregnant for the first time, and while we were back in the US visiting family, she said "If you have any advice on pregnancy, let me know." Turns out M and I have about the same advice, at least at the top of our list - "don't read What to Expect When You're Expecting."

That may not have been the only pregnancy book to give me worries, but it definitely provided me with the most of them. It can read like a compilation of the worst things that can happen in pregnancy, aggregated over all women who have been pregnant. So it is like reading this laundry list of doom, and you wind up expecting to experience all of it. Varicose veins, ectopic pregnancies, listeria, stretch marks, vomiting, and on and on. And no woman has all of those. I mean, come on, those of us who have miscarriages at least don't go through Braxton-Hicks contractions and those who get to giving birth, don't go (at least during that 9 months) through miscarriage. It can't ALL happen to one woman during one pregnancy.

And it is less likely to, according to the book, as long as you fruit-juice-sweeten the hell out of your diet, in place of sugar.

I stopped reading that book pretty soon after picking it up, when I was pregnant with A.

I'd say my second piece of advice, especially for a woman who is used to being super busy at work is to give yourself a break. It isn't the rest of your life. If you can afford to, take some time off. Nap, ever day. Instead of trying to keep up being who you were (and will be again, sometime after they turn 12) when you could sleep in, not wake up at 1am with insomnia and heartburn, and weren't throwing up all the time. Rest. Your body is doing a really big job, and your brain can just step aside for a bit.

Oh, and, no one is every really ready for the baby, so don't wear yourself out trying to have the perfect pregnancy or birth, or being completely prepared. You won't even know half of what you'll need until the baby arrives (A didn't need the smallest size onesies because of her birth size, she came two weeks early, and the Swedish baby sling didn't work for us, but the Ergo carrier did). Each kid is different. There is no "best" stroller, carrier, or anything else, and you'll probably burn through your first one in no time anyway, if it works for you. We're currently on stroller #3 and it is falling apart.

Finally, at least in my case, dealing with my issues, my emotional baggage, all that stuff that stands in the way of me acting like an adult - that has been a much more vital part of my becoming a good mother than any matching outfits or appropriate toys or anything else I can buy. Therapy before, and especially after, were the best investments I made in parenthood.