Enough

I've come to see this word, "enough," as pretty two-faced. Like that friend who was all buddy buddy with you outside of school and then at school you weren't cool enough or interesting enough, and suddenly acted like you weren't that close.

Ok, maybe it isn't like that, but I wanted to dis a bit on those kinds of people this morning.

It is a two-sided word, though.

There is what I think of as the powerful, positive side of "enough." You are a good enough ________. Fill it with "student," "researcher," "parent," or any other category and if you can believe that, you feel pretty good. It lets you feel ok just as you are, doing what you already do, not needing to change to be a member of that group. Or, "You have enough." "You've done enough." All very accepting, forgiving, gentle. The judgment starts with a positive outcome, and you go from there, retroactively reaping the benefits of this pat on the back, whether it is from yourself or someone else.

Then there is the nastier side of "enough." When it is used as a vague guide for trying even harder on something hard or impossible to do. "You will hear God speak to you if you have enough faith." That one is my poster-child for the destructive power of the word. Just keep trying, and if you keep not hearing God, you're still not doing enough.

Or, "if you relax enough you'll get pregnant." Another winner in the "makes me feel like a pile of poo" category. If you get pregnant, you did (in retrospect) enough. If not, you were at fault. You didn't do enough. It is a way to tie your worth to an outcome. And like I said, the outcome may well have nothing to do with that action.

It happens when people start with the belief that "there is a God who will speak to you" or "there is nothing medically wrong with you that you can't get pregnant" or any number of things that seem way more about belief systems than about logic, or actual cause and effect. And they put such pressure on the one who gets the "not enough" tag. Since God can't fail, you must have. Since medicine is infallible, you must be fallible. They start with a dogmatic belief in absoluteness.

The first use of "enough" places such great faith in the human being and her or his intrinsic completeness, just as they are. The second seems to never bestow that faith in the first place and make the human struggle to prove her or himself worthy.

I hate that. Just thought I'd mention it.

And since, by definition, my blog post is done when I'm done, I've written enough. Phew.

Oh, but here's a family photo since I don't put many photos in anymore and I like seeing photos in other people's blogs....