The pain of too much tenderness...

That is an extract from a reading we had at our wedding. It was about loving to the fullest meaning that you laugh all your laughter, but also cry all your tears. I'm not crying, but as I was laying in a dark bedroom, trying to nap after A had already decided she wasn't tired, it came to mind. She had rolled around for some 20 minutes next to me, in our room, where for the first time she decided she wanted to try to nap.

And she had been very proactive about a nap, too. I don't suppose it had anything to do with the new pacifier I gave her last night to replace the one that is already falling apart. I may not want my kid to use the pacifier this long, but as she gets closer to not using it anymore, I sure don't want her choking on a loose piece of it in the middle of the night.

So she was off to play LEGOs, in the living room, and I was half resting, half listening for sounds of desctruction, and she came back in, popped the pacifier back in her mouth and snuggled in.

And then she said, "Mama, I need to go pee pee and kaki." She put her pacifier by my bed, and as I said "Ok, little one...", she trotted off, little bare feet and all, to the bathroom. I didn't ask if she needed my help, and she seemed totally okay with and capable of going by herself. Something which, weeks ago, I didn't think was going to happen until she was, like, 20 years old. Just giving her time and space, and trying my best not to freak out when she wanted help or a diaper or whatever, and suddenly, I heard the faucet running.

Pitter pat back to my bed. She had even washed her hands. Although I hadn't heard a flush. But I decided not to say anything, because a solo trip to the bathroom is a huge thing!

Which is when I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. And then, pop up again without a word, back to the bathroom.

Flush.

And a bathroom moment suddenly makes mama almost teary-eyed from feeling so much tenderness. I'm hoping I keep learning to give her her space, so she has time to do the wonderful things, and show she is growing, without my getting in the way.