I should probably check out that podcast

There is a new free podcast up from The Moth (a great series of storytelling, in short, 15-min segments that my cousin got me hooked on) from Salman Rushdie about writer's block. I should listen to it. I've been avoiding writing the last few days. The earlier two weeks, we were in the US, visiting family, having a naming ceremony for Baby A (non-religious, like we are), going back to Arizona for the first time in 2 years, and doing some shopping in Chicago.

At first, I told M that I couldn't go see our old house in AZ. I was afraid it would be too emotional, that I'd tear up just seeing it, thinking how much easier it would have been to spend Baby A's first years there. But I think we went at the right time, now that we're all feeling a lot better. We drove past the house, and I felt nothing. My things weren't in there, my car wasn't parked outside, my husband, baby and dog weren't there. I didn't even have that "what a great house that was!" reaction. We've moved, and I haven't had to worry about faulty electricals or a leaky roof for two years. That counts for something. Or a mold infestation under the kitchen floor. That really counts for something.

On the other hand, seeing friends play with, babysit, and make Baby A smile warmed my heart. And on a quieter level, made me a bit sad for not having realized what a huge help that community would have been these last few years. Not that I knew I'd need that much help when we decided to move. I guess that is the point. But until the visit I didn't realize what I'd really missed out on, how essential that support could have been. So thank you, Arizona people, for being so loving to my daughter for the short time we were there. I think she grew a few months' worth with all the smiles and hugs and attention.

I also did a bit more American shopping this trip. I'm finally realizing there are many things I like about the US and being American. And when I was replacing my Freitag bag (which has gone over to M to replace his stolen one), I went with Vy&Ellie and their billboard bag with the GM seatbelt clasp. Oh, yeah. And bought a new cheap cowboy hat at Target. Cause I'm American, dang it, and I might as well be my American self, living abroad. I'll get to smile more, say "hi" more often, and worry a lot less about how I look.

Phew. Finally started posting again.