but just barely. My world for the last 2.5 months has been a 100m square apartment. With big windows and a huge couch. I inhabit the couch ecosystem most of the time. At least we don't need to grow our own food. And no roaches have infiltrated.
And I leave every few....weeks. No, maybe every 5-6 days. That is us walking the dog for the first time since A was born. Small victory that she stayed calm in the carrier for the 15 minute walk.
A still needs to be held and bounced or rocked. A lot. She still gets the grunting crying fits about 1.5 hours after each meal. And let's not even talk about a baby that can put itself to sleep. Yeah, not in this ecosphere.
There is this mythical 3 month mark when colic "ends." Colic is supposed to peak at 6 weeks. We are almost at 10 weeks, and I am no longer getting my hopes up about any of these average dates.
And I have some sort of sinus cold - my whole head and neck were throbbing and feverish for the last 36 hours. I have to say, being sick is horrible, but being sick while still responsible for a helpless, colicky baby is much worse. It isn't that I want someone to take care of me instead, I just don't want to be in charge of A while I feel this bad. No more crawling under the covers and hiding for 10 hours at a time. Now, taking care of myself will conflict with taking care of her. I'm sure there are some huge opportunities for growth as an adult there.
I'm also a bit disappointed by the Swiss pharmaceuticals available. Seriously, people, shouldn't you be able to pipe in pain killers right next to the hot water line in each bathroom? American drugs are still superior for wiping out all symptoms...and most sensation, for that matter.
Ok, off to sanitize my hands. Again.
Oh - I hear you. How familiar these things sound from our first baby. permature, crying, colicky baby, and depression, frustration.
ReplyDeleteHere's one thing - do not pay much attention to those milestone charts and those bits of reading that tell you things like colic should end at 3 months. Every baby is different - yes, I know we have all heard it before. And there is a reason we keep hearing it - it's very, completely, entirely true! Even with my second, I get those questions in my head..."my boy is not doing x or y...and he's supposed to by now...should I be concerned?" well - no!
but, that said, it will get better and it really could be in just a couple/few weeks. Colic can go away gradually or turn off like a switch.
And as to the depression - mine was the post-partum variety plus major anxiety - I had to take zoloft and go to therapy and it saved me and my family; I am certain of this. If you feel you need to get that kind of help don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. For me it was a matter of get drugs and help or do something really stupid and terrible like...well, like many things I don't want to recall. All I know is I have never felt worse in my life. It's like this...take a regular old bad day, where your usual, idiosyncrasies are at the surface. Okay - multiply that feeling by 100 and add a big helping of "this feeling will never go away and no one understands and I want to find a cave to hide in because I am vile and worthless as a mother and a human"! You know, happy thoughts like that. THE WORST TIME OF MY LIFE!
But it did go away with the drugs and the therapy. even after a month I felt so much better. and the mucho baby crying became easier to take. And I bonded more and more with my little girl and rebonded with my husband. and I remembered that things will get better, and they did...much!
I hope you figure out how to fix the colic - that would be super. But - you know - it may not work that way. Sometimes there is no reason. I hate that! I have to know why! But you may not ever get the why and then it's just a wait it out thing. Perhaps this helps you not at all, but that was my experience.
One thing I wished I had done is let my daughter cry through her colic on her own sometimes. Not for long stretches, but for just a few minutes so that I could gather my strength and take deep breaths. so that when I went back to her it would be not be with sadness or frustration or anger, but with love and patience. Now that I have two kids and the baby cries out of the fact that I can't clone myself, I know that if I have left my baby crying for a few minutes while my daughter finishes her "potty time" or whatever, that as long as I go to my crying baby with love and cuddles and sweetness he will be fine. I can tell because he sighs and relaxes and smiles and says "Oh it's you! I have been a little upset, but now that you are here holding me and loving me, I feel good."
and this...take it day by day...seriously.
Best
Penny (Mark's wife)
Just catching up with your blog :) Seeing A in the carrier and noting how you have to constantly hold/swing/sway her...have you tried a Maya baby sling yet? My sister swore by hers for both kids. YOu can get them lots of different places: www.mayawrap.com Totally keeps the kiddo all "swaddled feeling" while momma or daddy moves around doing things...and it holds 'em up high to help with your back/neck.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes :) Adrienne
I'm with Penny. Day by day.
ReplyDeleteOur daughter wasn't colicky, but reflux oh my GOD! I remember clearly sitting on Julie's floor when she was about 5 or 6 months old with Julie and another friend whose daughter is just a couple of weeks older. I'd mentioned that she had bad reflux (she had from the beginning), but noone ever realized how bad it was until they witnessed it. "Oh yes," people would say "my child spits up too." and then, as this friend did, they would recant those words as they watched shocked as our little one would throw up the majority of milk she had nursed. I don't remember when it stopped, but it did. Day by day. It does stop.
You have our deepest sympathies - I wish I could add to the comments above. We're keeping our fingers crossed for you in this tough time.
ReplyDelete