Better angels, beatin' up some cranky angels: the parenting pay-it-forward challenge

I'm reposting most of what I just wrote to some friends, because I'd like to keep it on record, and have a place for comments for people to contribute.

Time to start giving each other props for moments we should be proud of as parents.

I just saw a mom alone weather a massive tantrum calmly in the grocery store. At rush hour. While all judgy eyes were watching her. Bought her chocolates and candy and found her upstairs and gave them to her and told her what an amazing job she just did and how hard that was. I didn't get her candy as a present, so much as for a jolt of sugar, which is what I would have been needing at that moment. 

And although I could tell she was surprised and touched by my gesture of carbohydrates, the statement of how well and calmly I thought she did, and in front of all those people, seemed to touch her more. She smiled and said, "wow, I didn't think I was doing that well." Her friend (or whoever it was she was talking to when I caught up with her) was kind of stone faced, which I'll just ignore. Anyway, as I walked away to jump on my tram, I was the one in tears. I guess because that could have been me and I don't always manage to ride out the entire tantrum without raising my voice. Or because it felt a bit good to see another kid behaving as out of control as mine does sometimes, and see it from outside, that it is the situation and not the parent, making things worse. 

It takes so little in the way of staring, scowling others to stop us from listening to the better angels of our nature when it comes to difficult parenting moments. So many people have so little faith in our best intentions. And yet one person, sitting on a plane next to me and my squirming toddler, or on the playground, telling me they understand and that they don't mind, that all kids go through that or that I'm doing well, to give me that extra bit of resolve to keep calm, not yell, not get self-conscious. Or a smile during a tantrum that implies "I've been there."

There is a "pay it forward" crafting post going around Facebook, that I love. So in that vein, I'm challenging myself (and anyone else who is up for it), to tell ONE parent or caretaker "good job" this month, when you see them struggling but doing a good job. Because lawd knows those screaming kids aren't going to tell them. And neither are the scowling people who'd probably be hitting those kids in the same situation.

I'd love to hear some experiences that people have in doing this. Please post in the comments, and let me know if that isn't working.